Morticians have heard and seen it all. In such a deeply emotional and personal profession, you have to just sit back and laugh every now and then with a little mortician humor.
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1. A MORTICIAN’S COFFEE CUP
Any day above ground is a good one
2. BIRTHDAY CARD FAIL
Got a birthday card from the funeral home… I’m not impressed. They only want me for my body.
The face people make… when they find out I’m a mortician.
8. SIX VIEWS ON WOMEN FUNERAL DIRECTORS
Women Funeral Directors….
9. SIX VIEWS ON EMBALMERS
Embalmers…
10. A DAY IN THE LIFE
Eat. Sleep. Do creepy mortician stuff.
11. STRAIGHT TRIPPIN’
Rolling down the street hittin’ switches
12. A NOTE FROM MANAGEMENT
Due to the respect of others please stay out of the caskets. Thank you, Management.
13. SHOPPING FOR A DEAL
“We don’t understand these price tags.”
14. IT AIN’T AS EASY AS IT LOOKS
Boss calls…. “You pick up that body yet?”
15. FACEPALM
My reaction when a family asks if they should bring in pants for the deceased.
16. MORTICIAN HUMOR
You look good. Open-casket good.
17. SOME THINGS ARE FOREVER
Nothing lasts forever… except my embalmings.
18. NATIONAL MORTICIAN’S DAY
Today is National Mortician’s Day. So give them your support and die.
19. DRIVE THRU
“Yes, I’d like a Happy Meal, please.”
20. LUNCH PLANS
Don’t ever cross a woman who can embalm a dead body and discuss what’s for lunch all at the same time!
21. LAST RESPONDER
Last Responder
New!! “Last Responder” T-shirt available here. Check it out:
22. LAST LEGS
Those shoes are on their last legs.
23. I’M NEVER QUITE SURE HOW TO ANSWER
Working at a funeral home… “So, how’s your job?”
24. HEARSE FAIL
The procession just got awkward
25. HEARSE HUMOR
HEARSE: Plenty of room to get laid – to rest –
26. GROSS OUT
Remember, I’m a mortician. You’ll have to try real hard if you want to gross me out.
27. CAN’T PUT A PRICE ON SOME THINGS
Free breakfast
28. #FUNERALDIRECTORPROBLEMS
Not being sure if you smell like formaldehyde…
29. HIPSTER MORTICIAN
Tagging people before Facebook.
30.GET IT TO GO
Embalming Fluid… to go
31. WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY…
Be nice to me, I just might happen to be your funeral director some day…
32. MORTICIAN DEFINITION
Mortician: noun. def. A person who does not have to pay others to hide your body.
33. HOW ‘BOUT NOT
Talks to bereaved family member at funeral. “We should do this again sometime!”
34. SPOILER ALERT
Seen on a casket truck: “Don’t text and drive. Yours may be on the next shipment.”
35. UH, NO.
Families be like, ‘Can we see him?’
36. BRING YOUR CHILD TO WORK DAY
“We can’t wait to go to work with mommy. What’s a mortician?”
Author
Daniel Szczesniak
Daniel has been working in the funeral industry since 2010, speaking directly to grieving families as they made funeral arrangements. He began researching and publishing funeral articles on this website as part of his role as product and marketing manager...
