The 25 Best Funeral Director T-Shirts

Funeral directors, morticians, and embalmers are just like regular people. No, seriously! They have families, watch Netflix, enjoy a night out eating sushi, and wear t-shirts on their day off. If a funeral director is going to wear a t-shirt, it had better be a good one. A comfortable fit, a complementary color, a quirky quote that speaks to the heart of their macabre yet service-oriented calling in what has been termed, “The Dismal Trade.”

For the very best funeral director t-shirts, look no further. We’ve rounded up the best designs and favorites from around the web. Whether you’re shopping for yourself or for a friend, these are the best funny mortician shirts in existence.

The 25 Best Funeral Director T-Shirts

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1. Limit One Per Customer

Pretty self-explanatory. Might not want to wear it to work though.

2. I Will Bury You

I literally will bury you, because it’s my job. Unless you want to be kept at home in an urn. But “I will send you home with your loved ones in an attractive American-made funeral urn” doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.

The shirt (and link) above is the “standard” tee, which has a traditional fit. For the “premium” tee (which runs pretty small and tight), go here.

3. Last Responder Hearse Funeral Director T-Shirt

With due respect to the many wonderful First Responders, funeral directors have a rather different job description.

The standard version is shown above. For the tighter and more form-fitting “premium” version, go here.

4. I Put the Fun in Funeral

I’m you’re friendly local neighborhood funeral director, and I put the FUN in FUNERAL!

5. Eat, Sleep, Do Creepy Mortician Stuff, Repeat

A day in the life of a mortician. Lolz. Actually it’s mostly paperwork, but let’s not spoil the fun, shall we?

6. Embalmers T-Shirt: Some Days Are Just Draining

Ain’t that the truth? Some days are just, well, draining. Please note – the sizes run small on this shirt.

7. Risque Funeral Director Humor T-Shirt

For stiffness that lasts longer than four hours consult your mortician. Consider this a PSA.

8. My Day Starts When Yours Ends…

Sad, but true… and just a little bit funny…

9. Funeral Director Shirt: I Can’t, I’m On Call

The days of partying in mortuary school are gone. Replaced by work, work, work… being on call constantly. It’s a sad thought. And then, when you keep thinking about it, it gets a little sadder. Then it gets funny. Then sad again.

10. Nothing Lasts Forever… Except My Embalmings

Funeral humor at its finest and most gruesome. “Nothing lasts forever… except my embalmings” – Your friendly local funeral director.

11. Nacho Average Funeral Director T-Shirt

12. God Found Some of the Strongest Women and Made Them Funeral Directors T-Shirt

True story. Did you also know that women are becoming funeral directors at a higher rate than men? It’s the new face of the funeral industry, and it is beautiful to behold.

13. I Put the Fun in Funeral

Does your funeral director put the fun in funeral? I mean, really?

14. Books, Coffee & Cemeteries T-Shirt

A whimsical t-shirt for the poet and dreamer. Perfect for funeral directors and morticians who love the wind, autumn, and cemetery wanderings.

15. You Would Look Better Embalmed

You’re an embalmer so you tell it like it is. And frankly, some people would look better embalmed. Nothing wrong with that.

16. I love the smell of embalming fluid in the morning

Lt. Col. Bill Kilgore was probably a mortician in real life.

17. All Men Are Cremated Equal Funeral Director Shirt

As funeral professionals, we hold these truths to be self-evident.

18. Future Corpse T-Shirt

Funeral director t-shirt

Available here

It’s true, we are all future corpses. This is an official t-shirt from the popular blog Order of the Good Death and its sister site, Death Salon. These sites encourage frank and thoughtful discussion about death, mortality, and the deathcare industry. The back of this t-shirt features the two website addresses.

19. Embalmer Definition Funny T-Shirt

The embalmer is, by definition, the last one to put a smile on your face.

20. What Happens in the Embalming Room Stays in the Embalming Room

You don’t even want to know what goes on in the embalming room. Sewing, folding, tucking, rearranging, gluing, snack break, uncontrollable giggling….

21. Embalmers T-Shirt: Our Day Begins When Your Day Ends

The day’s work of the embalmer can only commence upon the eternal conclusion of the recipient’s day. Or something.

22. I’m A Funeral Director, I Solve Problems T-Shirt

I’m a funeral director. I solve problems you don’t know you have in ways you can’t understand. **mic drop**

23. Morgue Life Mortuary T-Shirt

It’s the morgue life.

Pictured above is the standard tee; you can also get the tighter-fitting “premium” tee here.

24. Never Cross A Woman…

You know that’s right. And seriously, don’t cross her!

25. Plenty of Room In This Hearse

Funeral directors know that there is definitely plenty of room in the hearse. For… you know….

More funeral director stuff…

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